The holiday season, a time for joy, love, and family gatherings, can also present unique challenges, especially when caring for aging loved ones.
Open and honest communication is essential if you’re caring for aging parents. However, discussing sensitive topics like health, finances, or future care plans can be daunting.
On a recent episode of The HME180 Podcast, 20-year family caregiver Anne Rue laid out the importance of early preparation when it comes to these tough topics:
“Talk about the tough things when the times are not tough. Talk about things like end of life; talk about moving into an assisted living facility; talk about walkers. Talk about all of that. Talk about the finances years before you need to have that information, and then make sure to write it down so that you remember what it is that they want. But it’s so much easier to have those conversations early, and then you can readdress it and go back to it again and again, and not just spend, you know, three hours digging deep when they’re sick and dying. That’s not the time to do it.”
– Anne Rue, Family Caregiver & Caregiving Expert
You can listen to the entire podcast here.
To start these conversations in a sensitive and respectful way, use the following conversation starters to ease your parents into the discussion.
8 Conversation Starters for Aging Parents
“I can’t be there for you all the time. I need you to continue living independently.”
Shift the focus from your time constraints to the strengths and capabilities of your aging parents. By acknowledging that you cannot be present all the time, it encourages your parents to take ownership of their well-being while maintaining their independence.
Related Blog: What if Your Parent Refuses to Use a Walker?
“Mom, I never want you to fall in the bathroom. Let’s install some grab bars this weekend.”
Try to frame the issue of fall prevention in a positive and proactive way. It shifts the focus from fear and worry to action and improvement. By suggesting a joint project, like installing grab bars, you create an opportunity to spend quality time with their loved ones.
This approach makes the process enjoyable and collaborative rather than a source of stress or conflict.
Related Blog: The Best Equipment to Reduce the Risk of Falls in the Bathroom
“Mom & Dad, I’ve been thinking about your health lately. Are you scheduling regular check-ups with your doctor?”
Approach healthcare topics in a gentle and non-judgmental way. By framing the conversation as a personal reflection, you avoid sounding accusatory or demanding. This approach respects the independence of your aging parents while subtly encouraging them to prioritize their health.
By asking an open-ended question, you allow your parents to share their thoughts and feelings about their health. This can lead to a more meaningful conversation and a deeper understanding of their needs and concerns.
“I’ve noticed you’ve been a bit more tired lately. Is there anything I can do to help you feel more energized?”
By using the phrase, “I’ve noticed,” you express concern in a non-judgmental way, opening room for dialogue.
This approach encourages your parents to share their feelings and gives you an opportunity to offer practical support and assistance, such as helping with household chores, preparing meals, or helping your parents find suitable mobility aids.
“Dad, I’m worried about you falling when you’re out and about. Have you talked to your doctor about physical therapy or balance exercises?”
This conversation starter is effective because it directly addresses a specific concern about your parent’s safety. It’s a non-judgmental approach that avoids making your parents feel incompetent or helpless.
By suggesting potential solutions, such as physical therapy or balance exercises, the caregiver offers practical support and empowers the parent to take control of their health. This approach also opens the door to a broader conversation about mobility aids, such as canes or walkers.
“You used to get out so much! You used to love doing (x, y, z). How come you don’t do that anymore?”
By referencing activities your parents once enjoyed, you spark nostalgia and encourage your parents to reflect on their current lifestyle.
If your parents admit they have difficulty walking, you can tactfully introduce the idea of mobility aids. Emphasize the practical benefits of these tools, such as increased safety and independence, so you can alleviate any concerns about appearance or stigma. Don’t forget to mention that NOVA’s mobility aids are stylish and highly customizable, a far cry from the “old, gray walkers” that many older adults are fearful of using.
Related Blog: The Health Benefits of Using a Walker
“Mom, I want you to stay independent even on bad pain days. Have you ever thought about using a cane?”
Avoid stigmatizing the use of mobility aids by emphasizing that canes are helpful for staying independent. Don’t forget to emphasize the practical benefits of a cane, and mention that NOVA creates canes in a variety of colorful designs.
Related Blog: Why NOVA Makes Canes and Walkers in a Rainbow of Colors
“Dad, I want you to be able to get around safely and easily. Have you considered using a walker or rollator? Let’s go take a Test Drive this weekend!”
This conversation starter is effective because it frames the suggestion of using a walker or rollator as a fun and collaborative activity. By inviting the parent to “test drive” these mobility aids, you’re creating an opportunity to bond and spend quality time with your parents.
This approach can help alleviate any stigma or embarrassment associated with using mobility aids. By making it a fun and interactive experience, you can shift the focus from the limitations of aging to the possibilities of enhanced mobility and independence.
The NOVA Test Drive program, offered through partner Medical Supply Dealers and pharmacies, provides an excellent opportunity for parents to try out different mobility aids in a comfortable and supportive environment. By experiencing the benefits firsthand, they remain in control of their mobility decisions and may be more likely to embrace these tools and improve their quality of life.
Resources for You and Your Parents
Looking for more resources to keep your loved ones safe and independent as they age? Download the free NOVA Home Safety Toolbox.
There is nothing more important than being there and taking care of the ones we love. Being strategic and proactive with difficult conversations is a great act of love for your parents.
